ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
