All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
