hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
