Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize