Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
