I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She's the barista slut.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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