I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
