It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
