i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
