I'm jealous of your bromance
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
