Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
