I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
zippers are such a cool invention
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
