I'm so fucking centered right now
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
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he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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