Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
