areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Welp...herpes.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
