Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
smell my finger.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
