Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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