i permit you to call me
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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