i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I will be naked everywhere
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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