I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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