never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
