I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
