I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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