Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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