wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
