i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
