I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
