Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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