I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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