The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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