i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
