HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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