textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
