Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
