Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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