I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
