I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
