Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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