the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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