my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
