She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
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its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
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Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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