I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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