Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
