I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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