I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
