I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
