they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
