i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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