You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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