I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The air was thick with penises
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
