Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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