I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Randomize
