I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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