I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
