This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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