If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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