You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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