You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She said her name was "party"
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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