whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
