I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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