Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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