you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
