Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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