I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize