Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she woke up with a sticky ear
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
