I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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