I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
