the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I deserve this hangover.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
