Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
