i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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