I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
