M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Ketchup is God's man juice
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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