Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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