Just fell off a train. Bad.
the condom got lost in my hair
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
