Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
