community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
