hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
