just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
