May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So here I am, sexting at work.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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